Outsider Onboard
by Aenlic
Summary: IV When she appears out of nowhere with her colour changing eyes, and hair the colour of the sun, Mary Sue announces that she is Lazlo's lover. The crew of the Dauntless, finding her impossible, attempt to get rid of her. Parodyficthing.


**Outsider Onboard  
**

"Snowe, you're a _sick_, lying bastard!"

As one, the crew of the Dauntless on the deck of the ship turned to face the unfamiliar source of the screechy voice that had broken the silence of the day by denouncing a fact that was _one_, already known; _two_, what Sir Lazlo had made clear in his own quiet way that no one was going to call his best friend, _previous or not_, onboard the Dauntless. It turned out to be a strange girl that not one of them recalled seeing onboard in the previous two days, her golden hair flowing like a wave in the sea wind. Agnes, who had been unfortunate enough to stand relatively close to Snowe, her last few moments before the incident spent on trying to look out into the ocean, found herself averting her gaze to the ground after a second of looking straight at the stranger.

_Glowing, colour-changing eyes,_ she thought, trying not to blanch. She'd read of them before somewhere, but couldn't recall exactly where...

"How could you betray Lazlo? How **_COULD_** you!"

Her first thought was: this is very old. Her second was a ponder on who exactly let this lunatic of a woman board the ship; Agnes often checked the register that Desmond guarded, and she knew, last she was there this morning, that all the blanks had been filled after Snowe's arrival, and there was no way in hell there could be anybody else _'destined'_ to join them. Even Deborah had said the same thing, when Elenor has sent her to ask. Agnes shot a quick glance up at Nico, who looked down at her, his face seemingly pale and worried as he shook his head and mouthed, "_I didn't see her_."  
_  
Very, very strange, _Agnes thought as she frowned, her eyes focused on the girl's hair, until it proved too bright for her eyes to be able to relax on it. Those eyes were still freaking her out and - were those scars on her arms? And a staff that looked plenty like the one that Viki held and used... _One plus one, _Agnes asked herself, _what does one plus one equate? _

"Is something wrong, Agnes?"

Agnes blinked, and looked to her right, where Sigurd and Hervey stood, watching the scene. It took her a few second to realise that the pirate had whispered to her, trying not to gain the attention of the girl who was still demanding Snowe's reasons for '_turning on the bestest best friend he could ever have_'. Letting loose a small breath she didn't know she had held, Agnes mumbled, "I don't know. She just appeared out of no where and started to scream at _him_ for betraying Sir Lazlo."

The two pirates turned to glance at each other with guarded faces, and Agnes found her frown deepening as the lecture went on and on and on...

_Sudden appearance, colour-changing eyes..._

"What does one plus one equate," she muttered under her breath, trying, desperately, to think of what she had read in that book a long time ago. Elenor had made mentioned that its contents were especially important when it came to dealing with people like Lazlo... Only it _hadn't _and she had let all knowledge flee her mind - _damn it,_ Agnes thought, the urge to strangle something making itself known at the back of her mind, _damn it._

_Hair the colour of the..._

Hervey commented suddenly, "Someone better stop the girl, y'know, before the poor guy throws himself off the ship."

In surprise, Agnes looked at Snowe and agreed; the former Knight looked, himself, sick and pale as he was confronted again with all the sins he had committed - or sins Agnes thought he had committed. She wasn't too sure about the events in Razril, only understood that Lazlo had been exiled for some stupid reason, in Jewel's words. Sighing, she walked up to where the strange girl was telling Snowe off and said in her best I'm-in-charge-here tone, "_Excuse _me, but who are you?"

Without missing a beat, the girl said, "Lazlo's _lover._" She emphasized greatly on the last word, and said it with so much pride that Agnes was trying her best not to stare into those weird, creepy eyes. Behind her, she swore she heard Hervey's small, muffled exclamation of shock, and thanked whatever gods she didn't believe in that Sigurd, at least, had the sense to cover his buddy's mouth before he could have said something - or _anything_ - offensive to the strange girl who didn't look like anything at all.

_Lazlo's lover. _Agnes mused upon that, wondering who would fall in love with Sir Lazlo. As a young girl herself, she reckoned he wasn't that bad looking physically, but he was a little too quiet for her liking. That, and he had already caught the eyes of three girls who guarded his room like dragons guarding their most precious jewel; one guy who had tried telling a dirty joke in the bar when the leader of the Federation Army was there found himself hung upside down much later on. Nobody, of course, knew who did it, but there were curious and far too innocent looks...

_Claims to be somebody's love..._

There was no harm in asking, was there? Agnes, gathering her courage up, said politely, "And your hair is _simply _beautiful, it's the colour of -" Behind her, Hervey gagged.

It seemed the girl didn't notice, or simply ignored him. She beamed (Agnes retreated her sight to the safety of the wooden brown floor) and announced, "Oh, it's the colour of the sun!"

She _knew._ Just like that. Trying to keep the grim and resignation out of her voice, Agnes enquired, "Your name_ isn't_ Mary, is it?"

Mary's lips widened in a perfect _o_ as she cocked her head to the side, and her smiled widened. "Yes, I'm pretty famous in these areas, aren't I? I'm Mary Sue, and it's a pleasure to meet you, Lady Agnes!"

Had she not been facing the dread of the universe, Agnes would have thrown her hands to the skies and cried; however, she was, and dealing with Mary Sues was something she had read up on before. Forcing herself to smile, the young strategist tried to hold back the vomit she could already taste on her lips.

It was going to be a long week.

* * *

** Notes:** Because Kaluin said '_post it up_' and I am weak-willed like that. Written mostly for my own amusement, and because I needed to get a grip on my own writing style again. This will probably span a few chapters... :x Temporary named, until better titled can be thought of.  



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